HOW TO: ASK GREAT QUESTIONS
As a Summit grad, you know that we encourage asking questions. Whether you’re having a conversation about faith, working through conflict, leading a small group, or even just making a new friend, it’s important to know how to ask good questions. Here are a few tips to help you in this skill.
This may seem basic, but the first step to asking great questions is just listening. You’ve probably been in the following scenario. You’re talking to a new acquaintance and they’re sharing something about themselves. After about a minute, you have no clue what they’ve been talking about because you’ve been trying to think of whatever the next question is that you should ask.
If you really listen to what they’re saying, a good follow-up question will probably come to you. And here’s the great thing about really listening -- you may find something in common with that person. It’s also possible that they might tell you about something that you know nothing about, like they’re hobby of collecting antique spoons from every state they’ve visited, to which a great response is “That’s interesting, tell me more about that!” What a great way for someone to feel heard.
If you really listen to what they’re saying, a good follow-up question will probably come to you. And here’s the great thing about really listening -- you may find something in common with that person. It’s also possible that they might tell you about something that you know nothing about, like they’re hobby of collecting antique spoons from every state they’ve visited, to which a great response is “That’s interesting, tell me more about that!” What a great way for someone to feel heard.
Have you ever been leading a small group or a book discussion and made the mistake of saying “Did everyone like last week’s reading?” The response was likely something like “Yes” or “No”. When we ask questions like this, we don’t give others a chance to actually feel like they can or should share more than just a one-word response. Try something like “What are one or two things that stood out to you in last week’s reading?” This gives people an opportunity to really share their thoughts.
Sometimes it’s easy for us to have an end goal in mind with our conversations. If that’s the case, it can be tempting to ask leading questions. A leading question is one that is worded in a way that “leads” someone to a specific answer. It could be something like “What were your thoughts on how boring that lecture was?" These kinds of questions make it difficult for people to share their independent thoughts.
Finally, you may come to a point in a conversation that one of your questions just doesn’t get a response. That’s ok! Try re-wording your question. The way you’ve asked your question may have been confusing or just didn’t resonate. Take a moment to rephrase it. A little change may help clarify what you’re trying to ask.
Asking good questions is a skill that takes time to develop, but the more you practice, the better you will be! Be patient with yourself and be patient with others. One final thought. Take minute to think about how you feel when someone really hears you and asks questions about what you're talking about; you probably feel cared for and loved. Keep that in mind when you’re developing this skill. Often times, it’s more than just asking questions, it’s about hearing the heart of the person you’re talking to.
Asking good questions is a skill that takes time to develop, but the more you practice, the better you will be! Be patient with yourself and be patient with others. One final thought. Take minute to think about how you feel when someone really hears you and asks questions about what you're talking about; you probably feel cared for and loved. Keep that in mind when you’re developing this skill. Often times, it’s more than just asking questions, it’s about hearing the heart of the person you’re talking to.
There are lots of great resources out there on asking questions. Here are a few places to start!
- For a very practical list of good questions, see this article by our friends at All About God.
- Here’s a short slide show with 10 Questions Jesus Asked in the Gospels.
- For those in a leadership role at work, Harvard Business review wrote a great article here on asking questions.
- Michael Hyatt is a popular Christian author and business coach. His blog about asking questions has some helpful advice.
Did you miss our previous "How To" issues? Check them out now:
How To: Lead a Small Group
How To: Start a Business
How To: Be a Confident Public Speaker
How To: Write a Vision Statement
How To: Live a Balanced Life
How To: Read a Book a Month
How To: Study the Bible
How To: Lead a Small Group
How To: Start a Business
How To: Be a Confident Public Speaker
How To: Write a Vision Statement
How To: Live a Balanced Life
How To: Read a Book a Month
How To: Study the Bible
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